cafe de mort.


last tuesday i did some really dangerous things and i could have died but i didn’t and i lived to tell the tale so now i will tell you that tale.

the first dangerous thing was that i met a person off the internet and went for dinner with them with some other strangers. the second dangerous thing was that i ate some of the most deadliest food in the world. the third was that i ate an apple without washing it.

i was invited to cafe de mort, to eat some of the most dangerous foods in the world that could have killed me if they weren’t prepared properly. the reason for this is because remember a charity are trying to make people think about leaving a gift to charity in their wills.

luckily jo from sheloveslondon had been invited so i asked her if she wanted to be my wing man and thankfully she said yes. i was scared she was going to be a freak but luckily she was only 10% weird and she didn’t try to murder me so i think it’s ok to meet people off the internet now.

when we arrived at the door there was a st johns ambulance man and we had to sign a waiver, i didn’t read it properly but i think it basically said don’t blame us if you die.

we were then offered a cocktail that was laced with absinthe, and told that if we had more than two of them we would die from liver failure. i conveniently forgot this and offered jo my drink as i didn’t really like it, so she drank two and is probably dead now.

the first course we were served was pufferfish (fugu) and was actually my favourite dish of the night. the menu said “although we take every care to remove the poison before serving there is unfortunately, no known antidote”. i let the others try theirs before i picked up my chopsticks, everyone was very quiet but breathing so i thought it would be ok. it was actually really nice and tasted a bit like squid.


every course was accompanied with a cocktail and the worst thing that passed my lips last night was the snake wine. i am still a bit devastated that i drank something which has had a snake in it. it smelt like a dead snake that had been soaked in vinegar and unhappiness for 12 years.

next we had curried ackee pattie with ghost chilli, officially the world’s hottest chilli. gregg wallace came over to our table and i asked him if it was really really hot and he said it wasn’t and he wasn’t even lying.

photo (97)

this is a bloody mary that contained irish moonshine (known to cause severe headaches and blindness). i already had a headache so i can’t comment on that part.


this macaroon contained hydrogen cyanide, we were warned not to ask for seconds and i didn’t really like it so that worked out well for me.


sometimes it’s nice to do different things even if you might die.